Refreshed....for now

I'm sitting here tonight just thinking....thinking back to last year.  Jason and I had a rough year.  If something could go wrong, it did. He lost his job, then attempted to branch out and start something on his own. It was ok, but it caused financial struggles.  Finances can put a strain on a marriage, but we worked hard to make sure it didn't get the best of us and our relationship.  It was hard, but we worked at it. We went through several cars last year, at one point sharing a vehicle.  They just kept breaking down and finances were up and down so we were scared to take on any new expenses just in case the money wasn't coming in the way it should.  We also experienced a flood last year which caused us to rip up all of our wood floors in one half of the house.  Jason and I put in new tile ourselves.  The project also could've caused marital problems....here I am thinking, "I can't wait until this is over, I'm gonna hurt this man...No more running to Home Depot...grrrr" and then there is my sweet husband telling me he and I make a great team and we should start a business together. Are you crazy?? I am not confident that I could work with him on a daily basis. I love him and all but I don't think that would ever work out. That just shows how he was, he always wanted us together, as a family.  On top of everything else, one night Jason began to complain of stomach pain. This resulted in a trip to the dreadful ER. After tests and being admitted, we still had to wait on an answer.  He was sent home, consulted a surgeon and a specialist, put on steroids, a prescription for Chron's that was $1,100 per month and he was only able to eat a soft/liquid diet. Finally, weeks later, the decision was made and surgery was scheduled right before Thanksgiving. He had to have a diseased part of his intestines removed.  Rylan was stressed, Jason lost a ton of weight and was stressed, and I just wanted him well.  By mid-December, he was coming around and getting back to normal. We slowly introduced "real foods" and Jason was back.  We were blessed to have an amazing team of physicians on our side.

After last years crazy roller coaster, I was listening to K-Love on the radio. K-Love is a contemporary christian music channel that I enjoyed switching back and forth to, especially when I am having a crummy day. K-Love is also great for that morning drive to work. In January, they had something called the K-Love challenge.  This was a challenge to replace all music with K-Love music for 30 days. They suggested that it will start your day off right, make you think differently and just be an overall positive experience. I told myself right then that I was going to do it. What did I have to lose? We just came off of a crazy year, it was January, time for new beginnings and starting fresh, right?? I did just that, except it continued through the end of February.  I didn't realize until after Jason passed away how much closer I felt to God over the last few months preceding his death. I really feel that in a way this helped me prepare myself for this tragedy. How else could I have made it through without having faith? How do people get through such times without praying for God's help?? He is carrying me through this day by day. Since Jason's been gone I have been at church on a regular basis and every song and every sermon speaks to me. I'm soaking it in and praising Him. This is how I wake up every day.

I feel like the last few months have been crazy busy.  The last week has really been refreshing, wonderful, full of joy and not as many tears.  Last weekend I went to the beach with one of my best friends, Claudette.  We took her 5 month old twin girls, Serena and Ellissa, to the beach for the first time. Rylan spent the day with his grandparents and I had the day to myself. I called Claudette and invited her to walk on the beach with me. It was early morning and I figured we would walk for an hour at the most. We spent the entire day at the beach and didn't want to leave. All of our other plans went down the drain. We talked about her stresses of being a new mom and me adjusting to my "new life" as a single mom and all of the above. We soaked up every bit of that salt air, sand and sunshine. As we walked away we both felt like wet noodles...relaxed and refreshed. I so needed that and so did she.

Friday night I met up for dinner with my brother, his friend and a dear friend from high school. All three kept me in stitches. We laughed so hard my cheeks were sore. Again, I felt refreshed just living in the moment and just enjoying everyone around me.

Yesterday was a great end to a wonderful week. Claudette's twins were baptized. I sat back and just watched how precious they were and how great it was to have all of their friends and family gathered around to celebrate this sweet moment.  They are little miracle babies.  Two doctors told them to abort, but God worked in her and gave life to these little girls. Something Claudette was told she could never have. God spoke to her and told her that she was going to have these babies.  Times like these are little reminders how good He is!

By the way, I spoke about Rylan's surgery in the last entry and he is doing great! It took him a good ten or eleven days to be back to normal, a few hiccups, but he is doing well. I catch him snapping his fingers next to his ears.  He can hear so much better.  So glad that is behind us!

I am a little anxious for the next week or two. My dad has comletely gutted my bedroom in order to make it fresh and new for me.  He is 3/4 of the way through with the flooring.  These are the last touches before I am ready to move back home and try to get back in the swing of things. I am ready to be independent, but on the other hand, I'm a little afraid to be alone. I have never lived alone without a roomate or my husband. I guess I have Rylan and my dog Titan, but that isn't the same. Hoping I will be strong enough for this next hurdle.

~So glad I finally figured out how to add pictures :)

Romans 12:12 Rejoice and exult in hope; be steadfast and patient in suffering and tribulation; be constant in prayer.